The 5 Most Difficult Words For Women

Written by Pamela Wagner

Written by Pamela Wagner

@pamelawagnerofficial

Trauma can come in many forms.

It can come in someone abusing you physically.

It can come in the form of a loved one ignoring you for an extended period of time.

It can come in the format of accumulated amounts of unexpected stress.

In its purest form, it either triggers something that immediately puts our well-being and survival to a test, or it utterly goes against our deep-rooted values.

This article aims to provide an inside experience of trauma as it is happening.

Though this may not be severe trauma, it’s an event that left scars and anxiety.

The reason why most traumas are so hard to recognize is because they often start slow.

It starts with the delay of positive reassurance and something good happening.

Women in distress

https://www.pexels.com/photo/distressed-woman-sitting-on-lakeside-and-touching-face-in-despair-5542905/

In my case, it was a visa. And, yes, this may be classified as a first world problem, but it highlights how millions of people are treated even worse who come from developing nations and don’t have the same resources that I have. 

When I submitted my application, I was made aware of the fact that the embassy didn’t have any stickers. 

Yes, an embassy that ran out of stickers. So far, no problem. I thought, 3 weeks before my trip should be enough to get it sorted. 

Turns out I was wrong. I had to pick up my passport and bring it back due to another trip I had coming up.

One day before the embassy closed and a few days prior to my trip, there were still no stickers. I had to cancel my flight and was left with no plans for new year. Booking any trip with such short term notice would just be unjustifiably expensive.

In addition to the visa cost amounting to almost €200, I incurred a cancelation fee of that same amount as well. I’ll spare you the remaining details of everything else that had to be moved because of the lack of stickers. 

I decided to give in to this experience. To trust the flow. 

Two weeks later, I brought my passport back again. After a few complaints, I was told my passport would be ready the next day. I asked if it was alright to come back the next week since I had professional commitments that couldn’t be moved again. 

They agreed.

So, I came back on Monday of the next week. Only to find a paper at the embassy’s door saying that it’s now closed for two days and when one suddenly needs an appointment, it should be scheduled via email.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-sorry-we-re-closed-sign-on-glass-window-2467649/

At this point, I didn’t know whether I should get furious or just laugh. 

It was week 5 now and one couldn’t rely on anything. 

In that moment, I noticed that quite a few of my values felt violated:

  • Reliability 
  • Transparency 
  • Efficiency 
  • Honesty
  • Professionalism 
  • Disgust of power abuse

If this was a company, it would be out of business by week 4, latest.

This was the 5th time of passing by and it felt like one was being played.

By no means was I the only one. Everybody was being treated this way.

People couldn’t attend funerals of their loved ones and they missed out on weddings of people who are close to them.

Coming back to the notice on the door…I ended up writing that email highlighting the issues I’ve had since submitting the passport.

What followed was an unfolding of examples of how not to communicate with one’s customers. I noticed my blood pressure increasing and my anxiety unfolding. I was worried about not even getting my passport back. 

They asked to send an email, and they responded with asking for a phone number so they could call – which they have had since 6 weeks as it must be included in the visa application.

My head started going into overthinking and over-worrying mode. 

I noticed how my palms became sweaty as I got agitated with not being able to plan anything.

The horrendous thing about trauma isn’t only the moment it happens, but all the stress and anxiety that is caused by reliving the trauma later on in our minds.

You start to lose quality sleep because you never really fall asleep. You’re in a constant state of light sleep, and thus, you never get rest. You keep waking up thinking of ‘what if’s’ or even dreaming about the event.

Women in distress.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/crop-unhappy-black-man-with-headache-on-sofa-at-home-5700140/

And, that is, fortunately or unfortunately, a natural state of the mind. Our sleep is the best therapy. Our mind and subconscious process things while we’re sleeping that, otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to process while awake. This can be extremely therapeutic, but it can also keep us up at night. Even if we’re not in the traumatic event anymore,our body reacts as if we still are.

You go to sleep thinking about that event and you wake up thinking about it.

While thinking about it may help us heal our wounds, overthinking can exuberate any stressed feeling we have. 

So, where do we draw the line? When does overthinking become a problem?

When did we think or talk too much about a certain negative event? 

It’s fairly simple but can be one of the most difficult things to determine:

Ideally, you start noticing it yourself. When you pay close attention, you will feel whether talking about something makes you feel better or worse. And, be really honest about it! 

A lot of times, people keep talking about traumatic events because they have become comfortable with the victim role. Sometimes so much, that they start identifying themselves with that role. It becomes a defining element of their personality. 

We long know that words carry energy and that they affect everything around us (hint – link to where I mention Japanese guy with rice and water experiments).

So, ask yourself:

  • What story would I tell about myself if I let that traumatic experience go? 
  • How can I turn my biggest pain into my biggest power? 
  • What am I risking to lose if I give up that story? Is there really anything at stake? 

As I noticed my mind ruminating and starting to have those low-quality sleep nights, I put even more emphasis on any kind of effort for my well-being. 

I went to sleep earlier and woke up earlier. That ensured that I was able to start the morning at a time that I liked the most.

I took my time in the morning and left my phone turned off, sometimes not even looking at it for the first two hours after waking up. 

I prepared tea and coffee very consciously. 

I focused on one task at a time.

I listened to meditative music or Abraham Hicks to remind my mind of the state of being that comes more naturally to me: being in flow and in the moment, trusting that everything will work out (because it always does!).

I took longer showers or baths.

I made sure that I eat healthy. 

One of the most difficult things to do in stressful situations is to actually leave out sugar or any processed foods. Those simply have a negative effect on our health as our body can’t process them properly. So, we often end up being more tired and grumpy than before – in an already fragile emotional state. 

So, eat healthy. 

Take longer walks in nature. Make sure to expose yourself to natural sunlight for 30-60 min.

And then, focus on doing things that you love and that you want to achieve. Do what makes you feel happy or content.

Women taking in nature's beauty

https://www.pexels.com/photo/side-view-portrait-photo-of-woman-in-yellow-t-shirt-standing-with-her-eyes-closed-with-trees-in-the-background-2442149/

If any stressful thought about that event comes up again, take 2-3 min. to just breathe.

4 seconds in.

1 second pause.

7 seconds out.

Repeat at least 5-6 times and you’ll feel calmer in no time.

As I was doing all these things, I was able to quickly return to my ‘normal’ or desired way of being. 

Things started flowing again and I managed to regain that unshakable trust that everything would work out, whether I would get the visa or not.

See, life always takes you in the right direction. And, it’s supposed to be easy. Resistance is either there to test how badly we want something, or – more often – to show us that there are better and easier ways to achieve something. Or, simply, that there is a better alternative out there.

We’ve been told to choose our battles. But often, our battles choose us, and we’re left with traumatic experiences we wish we never had. Moving on from it may be hard at first, but taking the above-listed steps at your own pace can make the healing more tolerable. There is still hope.

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

I have trained and coached hundreds of people on personal development all over the globe – from Jamaica, the USA, to hosting workshops while being on a ship on the Atlantic ocean, all the way to Uganda, Austria, Ghana, the UAE, Pakistan, Singapore, and many more.

I am a go-getter, dream achiever, a true role model for behavior change, and I'm here to help you become the same.

Find me on:

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

I have trained and coached hundreds of people on personal development all over the globe – from Jamaica, the USA, to hosting workshops while being on a ship on the Atlantic ocean, all the way to Uganda, Austria, Ghana, the UAE, Pakistan, Singapore, and many more.

I am a go-getter, dream achiever, a true role model for behavior change, and I'm here to help you become the same.

Find me on:

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Scroll to Top