Don't let your control issues control you

Written by Pamela Wagner

Written by Pamela Wagner

@pamelawagnerofficial

Have you watched ‘How To Get Rich’ on Netflix recently? 

I binge watched it with a friend since I usually try to stay away from any of these subscriptions. 

I’ve been a follower and fan of Ramit Sethi since 2014. One of his courses was my first major expense for a course. I absolutely love how he approaches money psychology, coaches people, and breaks down things very easily. 

So what does this have to do with control issues? 

Well, Amani, a woman of one of the couples there, has major control issues. And I’m saying this with all the love and non-judgment I have. She simply doesn’t know any better. She has had her own fair share of childhood experiences that made her into the person that she is. 

What’s fascinating about her is that she’s really good with money. She makes money that would make many people jealous. But, she struggles extremely with trust, letting go, and giving up control.

She is so afraid of the unknown that she would rather miss out on incredible opportunities and even tries to keep her husband down in the unspoken hope that he doesn’t become happier and more fulfilled than her. 

Our traumas and fears can go long ways. Oftentimes hurting those that are closest to us. 

So why is it so difficult to, first, become aware that one is struggling with control and second, to let go of such control?

See, you have to understand that admitting a flaw is extremely difficult. It means being vulnerable. It means admitting that we may have not lived life the best way possible so far. It means that we might have to come to the understanding that we have been the reason that some things didn’t work out or didn’t go the best way. It may mean admitting that we were wrong and that we hurt other people.

All that is very difficult for our ego to admit. It tricks us with all possible moves into believing that we are right with how we are. 

How do I know? Because that still happens to me sometimes. If I feel like things aren’t going ‘my way’, I desperately try to cling on to something that is controllable. And things usually won’t improve until I accept what is going on and let go of it.

See, our minds love it when things stay the same. They do not like change…at all. And giving up control means change. It means not knowing. It means instability – at first.

Once one learns to deal with instability, it becomes stability. 

Here’s an example: many people view a job as stability. They value it so much that they make it part of their search: ‘I want a stable job.’ – without understanding that jobs aren’t stable anymore. They are what we make of them. And, once you know how to make money on your own, entrepreneurship may be a much more stable option than any job out there. 

So, how do you let go of control when just thinking of the unknown or losing your job makes you worry? 

  1. Be aware of it. Could it be happening to you? The easiest way to know is when your partner, employees, or people around you feel limited in their decision-making. This might involve an honest and heart-to-heart conversation, which may hurt. But, the feeling of being aware of it and knowing what to work with brings absolute relief.
  2. Reflect on situations when you’re being controlling. What are these situations? What triggers you? 
  3. Then, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. What is the worst that can happen if you gave up control? What are the chances of that happening? And what can you do to feel better if it really happens? Could you save more money? Could you be more loving towards your partner?

Usually, these 3 questions will already give major insight into what is going on and a potential way out.

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

I have trained and coached hundreds of people on personal development all over the globe – from Jamaica, the USA, to hosting workshops while being on a ship on the Atlantic ocean, all the way to Uganda, Austria, Ghana, the UAE, Pakistan, Singapore, and many more.

I am a go-getter, dream achiever, a true role model for behavior change, and I'm here to help you become the same.

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