The 5 Most Difficult Words For Women

Written by Pamela Wagner

Written by Pamela Wagner

@pamelawagnerofficial

‘Can you help me, please?’

Just yesterday I had a conversation about femininity with a young woman. We talked about what it means to be feminine, to be a woman, and to be able to receive. Receive whatever goodness there is in the world. She vulnerably shared with me that if she asked her partner to, for example, help her carry her bags, she immediately feels one of two ways or sometimes even both: 

  1. “I don’t want his help. If I have to mention it, then I’d rather do it myself.”
  2. “It makes me feel ‘ugh’.” (and she was shaking her body in disgust)

‘Ugh’ in this case may be translated as feeling inferior, exposed, weak, powerless, and victimized.

No!

https://www.pexels.com/photo/entrepreneur-rejecting-offering-from-man-with-outstretched-hand-5849579/

Let’s dissect these two reactions. We’ll start with #1. 

“I don’t want his help. If I have to mention it, then I’d rather do it myself.”

Dear ladies, I hate to break it to you, but men are not mind readers – at least the majority that I have met, and those are men from pretty much every country in this world. 

However, what I do know is that most men love to help women. In fact, they love it so much that it actually causes a chemical reaction in their brain. When a man does something for a woman, for example help her carry her bags – as simple as this may seem – it makes him happy and feel accomplished, and with that releases oxytocin. He was just able to show that he is able to help her and with that he gets proof that he can be there for his woman. This is a biological reaction. It has absolutely nothing to do with a woman being weak or not able to do certain things on her own. When a man can showcase his value and strengths to a woman, it makes him more attracted to her, and eventually establish an emotional connection. This is our brain at its best ancient performance.

Man helping a women climb the terrain

https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-climbing-a-mountainside-8968077/

Just think back a couple of thousands or even tens of thousands of years…men were hunters and needed to be out there fighting for food in order to show their value. Since that took a lot of energy, men need to have a lot of strength, endurance, and power to succeed and make sure the food supply is intact. If that was the case, the man was considered attractive by a woman because he was able to provide for her.

Now, while society may function a lot differently today, our brain hasn’t evolved much. 

Especially, considering that women are able to earn quite a decent salary nowadays,  which often means that technically they can provide for themselves and do not ‘need’ a man with a salary. As a result, a huge part of the dynamic of a man providing for a woman is now in question. Having had a clear role for a long time – being the breadwinner of the family, and now being stripped of that role, men don’t know what to do to get that same reaction of happiness and feeling of being the provider. And many women haven’t yet learned how to navigate having financial success. As such, this often equals women displaying a lot of masculine energy, and being in a more feminine/submissive role, so that the man can be a ‘man’ and she can be in her female energy. You may disagree but you cannot fight the biology of your brain.

#GirlBoss

https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-book-3747246/

Let me explain this in more detail:

In the majority of cases, a woman is able to earn a good amount of money by engaging in one of the following activities which usually requires a substantial amount of masculine energy:

Being good at negotiating her salary

  • Asking for one or multiple promotions
  • Being an entrepreneur, i.e. running her own business

All these aspects often cannot be accomplished by simply leaning back and receiving (there are exceptions, but that’s a story for another day). You need to be proactive, managing, delegating, leading, making plans, strategizing, actively going out there and approach other people or customers, and come up with new ideas and ways. 

All that leaves little room for receiving and true feminine energy. 

Now, most women come home after work and apply that same energy to their partnership.  They treat their male partners as if they were colleagues or employees and want to delegate and be proactive. Most of that is deeply rooted in the matters of displaying power, having trust issues, avoiding disappointment, being in control of situations, and fear of the unknown. 

And all that in contrast to the fact that men want nothing more than to take care of their woman. 

In fact, many men love it when their woman is financially successful. They find that very attractive. If you, dear woman, earn more money than a man, it is absolutely okay. 

You have to be clear about the fact that your earning of money and being a career woman is not why you can’t find or keep a man.

The real reason you can’t find or keep a man is that you probably find it very difficult to ask for help and accept it genuinely, without guilt, from a man.

Accepting help doesn’t mean that you are weak, dependent, or powerless. Quite the opposite, it shows strength and self-awareness. It shows that you are aware of where your energy is needed most and that you know how to distribute it so that you can be your best self.

Man and women carrying a bag together

https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-carrying-bag-together-8516109/

So, how do you practice getting more help? 

Here are a couple of examples:

  • When someone offers to help you with your suitcase, say yes.
  • When someone offers to pay for dinner, say yes.
  • When someone offers to pick you up for a date, say yes. 

If you have any kind of resistance coming up, practice saying to yourself (silently): 

  • I’m allowed to receive whatever goodness comes my way.
  • I’m enough.
  • I’m worthy of receiving all the goodness in my life.
  • Being able to receive goodness makes me a better woman.

Practice makes perfect. You got this!

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

I have trained and coached hundreds of people on personal development all over the globe – from Jamaica, the USA, to hosting workshops while being on a ship on the Atlantic ocean, all the way to Uganda, Austria, Ghana, the UAE, Pakistan, Singapore, and many more.

I am a go-getter, dream achiever, a true role model for behavior change, and I'm here to help you become the same.

Find me on:

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Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

Hi, I'm Pamela, the face of Hustle Less & Live More!

I have trained and coached hundreds of people on personal development all over the globe – from Jamaica, the USA, to hosting workshops while being on a ship on the Atlantic ocean, all the way to Uganda, Austria, Ghana, the UAE, Pakistan, Singapore, and many more.

I am a go-getter, dream achiever, a true role model for behavior change, and I'm here to help you become the same.

Find me on:

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

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